I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
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I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
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I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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