When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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