god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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