whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
