Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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