so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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