I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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