i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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