Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
