I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
