come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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