lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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