I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
So squirting runs in the family.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
