EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
