I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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