It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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