oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
