closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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