Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
