Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
