Life is so much better after having sex.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
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I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
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I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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