maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
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Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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