My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i dont even know how to be here
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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