So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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