I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
