my phone needs a breathalizer
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Randomize
