I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Just puked most of my soul out..
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
