he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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