Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
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We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
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I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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