My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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