dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Text me some of your sweat
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
