RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Randomize
