remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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