I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
