i just had sex bonerless
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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