there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
