a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
