that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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