took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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