my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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