Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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