I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
