Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
