No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
