i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
