I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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