I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pole danced in your parka.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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