a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
