she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
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I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize