Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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