So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
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You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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