really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
