She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
