Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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