i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
