U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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