did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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