I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
look no pants
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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